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Showing posts from December, 2018

Get yourself a Harold.

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Danny Fucking Dyer is my hero. A legend amongst men. And yesterday, during Channel 4’s Alternative Christmas Speech, he gave me all of the feels. Danny mate, that was not what I was expecting.

If you haven’t seen it, watch it here now: https://bit.ly/2AfjsBM

I’ll be honest, I had to wipe away a little tear (or ten) as he talked about an influential man in his life and the need, in 2019, for heroes and role models. “If we need anything for 2019 it’s for each of us to find who we look up to.”

Danny goes on to talk about his Dad not being around when he was a kid. About how angry young Danny was and how nobody knew how to help him. That’s where the tears came for me, a story I recognise all too much. I’ve read it before, over and over again, until I could recite the book by heart.

Danny was one of the lucky ones, he found a father figure that he didn’t know he needed. Harold Pinter went on to become the most influential man in Danny’s life. Yep. That Harold Pinter.

My head of Sixth Form wa…

The big D*. *not that one

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I haven’t quite figured out how or why but every year, at around this time, my mental health decides to fall to pieces. This time of year was the setting for my catastrophic breakdown three years ago and reflecting back, this does seem to be a recurring theme. I haven’t decided whether it’s the pressure of the Social Festive Season or tied in with the PMDD or just old, unresolved issues at a time of year solely focused on family. Dunno. I’ve only just realised after 33 years that this is such a recurring theme.

By Friday, last week, I was at the end of my tether and couldn’t see a way out that would come quickly enough to help me reset myself. I was on a train to London after a full (and horrifically busy) week at work, eventing during the evenings and, of course, my PGDE. I wouldn’t be home until after midnight with another busy weekend planned, an assignment due and the busiest week of term flying up. Exam season is always my favourite season…

Instead of suffering in silence, I made…

200 days of sobriety.

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Yesterday, I hit 200 days sober. Not bad for a lush, eh?! Aside from losing two stone and wearing the first dress I have worn since my wedding day (because I haven’t been able to fit into any of them since my wedding day), there’s quite a lot of other stuff that has changed too. It’s hard to know what to talk about as I kinda feel that I repeat myself a bit at every milestone. So, instead of a list of things I have learned, here are some things I have been thinking about recently. In the form of a list. About stuff I have learned.

Fuck off, I like lists about self-development.

1. Coke, please.

The more people I speak to about my sobriety, the more I meet people who have been thinking about stopping drinking or having a week off, a month off, a year off. And it’s amazing to have conversations with people where we can all be inspired to change our habits. Each one motivates me to remain on my journey because as sobriety becomes more of the norm (like vegetarianism, spirituality, m…