Small acts of kindness restore hope in times of darkness – Jordan Rosenfeld.
Yesterday was a tough day. It turns out that sober pub crawling in these first early throes of sobriety is not the best idea I could have had for a Saturday. At 4pm, in the fifth bar of the day, I had a taste of a friend’s beer and it was so good. And I mean, SO good. In fact, it was everything I could ever want in a beer. Fruity, hoppy, full bodied delicious amber nectar, poured straight from the keg. Cold and refreshing. Filled with promises that I had temporarily forgotten that it couldn’t keep.
And I had to leave. After 29 days, I almost reached a point where I caved and bought a beer. A combination of factors led to that point. A spot of tension, social anxiety and sobriety all muddled together in a moreish mojito of moments that could easily have derailed 29 days of progress.
The lesson I am taking from this is that I am not ready to return myself to my previous social life yet. The talks with friends earlier on in my journey about activities that don’t revolve around the pub need to be revisited. In the mean time, today will be spent wallowing in a thought cycle that I can not pull myself out of, however hard a try. Between my almost failure yesterday, Father’s Day today and what appears to be the early onset of burn out, I’m rather emotionally vulnerable and intending to remain hidden under the duvet with the cats (who it now appears have no interest in spending time with their needy Mother).
Just to showcase the level of my emotional vulnerability today, here are things I have cried about since yesterday afternoon:
1. The radio DJ said he would play Elbow and it wasn’t the song I wanted it to be.
2. A magpie flew in front of the car.
3. The car sweets were stuck together.
4. My fitbit was itching my arm.
5. When I looked closer, the skin on my arm is really dry.
6. I drink three to four litres of water a day and still have dry skin.
7. Apart from on my chin which, even though I have stopped drinking, is riddled with horrific, volcanic spots.
8. I’ve lost too much weight and my new trousers are too loose.
9. My alarm went off at 5.30am.
10. I Had to get up at 5.30am.
11. The windscreen wiper wouldn’t work at the speed I needed it to work at.
12. The A1 was closed Southbound. This didn’t impact me in any way whatsoever. It is not the route I use.
13. The A14M Northbound was closed. This did impact me. It is the route I use.
14. The diversion was via the A14 and A1.
15. The A1 was closed. This now does impact me.
16. The car in front of me was driving erratically.
17. A van stopped to let somebody cross the road on the A14 sliproad.
18. It was sunny.
19. It was rainy.
20. I had seven loads of washing to get through.
21. I couldn’t hang the washing out because it was rainy.
22. I hung the washing out when the sun came out and then it rained and soaked the almost dry washing.
23. I dropped my keys.
24. I ended a fictional relationship in a short story I am writing.
25. He didn’t take it well.
26. He made me feel terrible.
27. I changed the story back.
28. Hubs was nice to me.
29. Hubs put his “K’s gone batshit emotionally volatile” understanding voice on.
30. It’s Father’s Day and mine is a steaming pile of shit. At least I assume he still is, I haven’t seen him for fifteen years.
31. The cats wouldn’t snuggle me.
32. They think I’m too needy.
And no. I’m nowhere near PMS time.
Then came a knock on the door. A friend bearing a Well Done gift of Seedlip Non-Alcoholic Gin and words of congratulations.
This small act of kindness absolutely turned my day around. I still feel shitty, but I feel less shitty than I did this morning. And much less shitty than I did yesterday afternoon. Recognition of my battle and a reward for this journey I am on is just the boost I needed today. Plus, I’ve wanted to try Seedlip Non-Alcoholic Gin for months and now I have both to try! I will most definitely be having one this evening and will review both styles, Seedlip Spice 94 and Seedlip Garden 108, this week.
Remember, that the smallest act of kindness can completely turn somebody’s life around. So be kind, recognise the battles people are fighting and tell people how proud you are of them.
And thank you to the friend who, without knowing, helped to pull me out of a spiral today that I wasn’t sure I could get out of.